Hiya Gorgeous,
This is a deeply personal blog. In it, I’m sharing an important health update, as well as some hard-earned tips for how to navigate the fear of medical tests and scan anxiety. Though this post is specific to my cancer journey, these tools can be applied to lots of other scary shit pickles. 🙂
A few months ago, I realized that I was overdue for my 2-year CAT scan, blood tests and visit with my oncologist. My first thought was: “Damn it! I don’t have time for this. I’m just too busy.” But I quickly realized that “I’m too busy” is an affirmation. It sends a message to my body that I’m not a priority, my health isn’t important and neither is my life. That message certainly isn’t in alignment with my love for myself or my health goals—I needed to flip the script, posthaste!
So I quickly reached for better thoughts by telling myself that my health and safety are my top priorities, and that nothing would get in the way of me taking care of myself. Then I made self-care accountability a topic on a recent Wellness Wednesday live broadcast. I asked for you to hold me accountable for making and going to these extremely important appointments.
Pssst… I also encouraged you to schedule any health check-ups you’ve been blowing off. Have you done that yet, dear one?
Something I didn’t share during that Wellness Wednesday is that I was very anxious about that appointment. Maybe my heightened emotions were influenced by the fear I have around my dad’s journey with pancreatic cancer and how helpless I feel at times. Or maybe it was because I’ve been feeling some new pains in my rib cage, which had me wondering if my disease had finally spread to my bones. Or perhaps it was that strange lump in my arm that was secretly freaking me the F out.
Or maybe it was that I’d just agreed to some exciting opportunities this fall, and in the back of my mind I was afraid that my disease had finally woken up and become aggressive. That would mean pressing pause and putting my full focus on my health—again.
As you can tell, there’s been a lot of uncertainty swirling around in my mind. While I’m skilled at staying grounded and not catastrophizing, these symptoms and fears put my practice to the test!
That’s the thing about being a cancer patient. Every little ache, pain or sneeze can send you into a tailspin of sweaty worry. And when that happens, we need tools to help diffuse those emotions before they totally take over and spread like a nasty contagion.
So here’s what I did to calm myself down, return to my center and connect with my heart.
When I got to the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute for my appointment (yes, the self-care accountability did help!), I hunkered down in the public bathroom (a spiffy place, by the way!) and did two things.
First, I looked in the mirror, stared deeply into my own green eyes and with all the compassion I could muster, I said:
“I love you. I’m here for you. Whatever happens, we’ve got this. We’ll figure it out. I’ve got your back and I always will. I love you.”
Deep breath… And another… And yet another.
I kept breathing and repeating those words over and over again until I could feel the butterflies (no, more like gassy dragons!) in my stomach calm down. And they did.
Second, I started to make a mental list of all the things that are right with me. Sure, I have dozens of tumors in my lungs and liver, a weird pain in my ribs and a strange lump in my arm, but there are so many parts of me that are working exceptionally—including those that are struggling. This simple exercise brought me back to a place of gratitude for all that is working in my life. And when you’re in gratitude, it’s harder to be in anxiety.
The next time you feel out of control or like the floor is about to fall out from under you, try these tips. They may seem hokey or woo-woo, but believe me, these little exercises are powerful soul medicine.
Ok, and now for the news: All is well. Cue the band!
The lump in my arm is a harmless fatty tumor, there’s nothing going on with my rib cage (looks like I pulled a muscle while using my favorite workout app—no further metastasis, I’m just out of shape, lol), and the tumors in my liver and lungs are still stable. Deep sigh… I’ve been living with this strange stage IV sarcoma for more years than I thought I would, and all truly is well.
But there’s more! My oncologist felt confident enough to suggest that I could come back in 3-5 years (I’ve been going every 2 years or more since getting diagnosed). What?! That’s like a lifetime to me. I never thought he’d say something like that or that I could experience that much time (and freedom) between hospital visits. Tears…
In his words, “we’re just thrilled.” After comparing 16 years of scans, the consensus is that even though I still have cancer, I’m well enough and it’s indolent enough to give me more breathing room—and I’ll gratefully take it.
Plus, I also learned that there’s a clinical trial underway for my disease (epithelioid hemangioendothelioma). The first of its kind. So that’s some potential progress for my rare sarcoma and all the patients who live with it—some of whom have a more aggressive form.
I can’t tell you how happy I am to share this news with you all, especially those of you who have followed my journey since the beginning. Though I don’t write about cancer as much as I used to, it’s still always in the background of my mind and it always will be. It continues to teach me, and I continue to define myself by my values, desires, goals and love—not cancer.
Join me on social!
I share simple ways you take impeccable care of yourself—body, mind and soul. Instagram and Facebook. I did a Wellness Wednesday episode on this topic and shared more tips for dealing with health anxiety—check out the replay here!
Thanks again for supporting me, friends. And don’t forget to make your well-being a priority. Book those doctor appointments and do whatever else you need to do. The world needs you (and so do I).
Peace & deep gratitude,
So HAPPY for you! My hands are sweating just sitting here remembering my own physical checkup last week that I scheduled because I, too, had a weird pain in my ribcage and I felt a weird thing in my self breast exam and I wasn’t due for an onco recheck until August. I SOOO understand what you mean by your “every ache and pain” putting me on high alert statement! The weird thing in the self exam was my rib; and the weird pain in my ribcage was also a muscle thing (to quote my GP: Bone cancer pain doesn’t come and go…). At age 64, I had Triple Neg BC in Jan 17, genetic testing (-), surgery, chemo, surgery (for implant) followed. The day after diagnosis, I went vegan, stopped drinking alcohol, started daily sweaty exercise and daily meditation. I had high-risk behaviors (drinking, spotty exercise, unmanaged stress, daily meat eater) I changed immediately! You, Chris-Beat-Cancer, Dr. Greger, other extensive research–all convinced me to make sea changes in my life THAT DAY, my husband calls it “throwing the kitchen sink at it” so that I can moveon and try to forget about it. I still think about it, but not as much. I still stress about aches and pains and this and that, but for the most part, life goes on with a clear vision to the future. I see the onco every 6 months. I still juice (chris beat cancer) every day. I still love my bike, my floor exercises, my meditation. Cancer probably saved my life as far as healthy living goes…talk about a wake up call! Funny, I’d asked the Universe in a joking manner for a boob job (reduction) for 10 years. Well, ladies, I got my boob job. Be VERY careful what you ask for….I’ve learned to be very specific when talking to the Universe! Love you and your message! M in Colorado
Marcia, you beautiful soul! Thank you for sharing your story with me. Your positive attitude and loving nature are shining through!
Crazy sexy Kris…..over the moon for you and your family! Keep up the great work!!! The world is a better place with crazy sexy Kris in it!!!! Peace in…peace out. ❤️
So so happy for you Kris! I know those feelings when you have a funny feeling somewhere in your body and convince yourself it’s a new tumor! Yay for you I’m very grateful for your good news. Sandy C
PS I got my own good news yesterday: Pancreatic tumor markers are down! Yahoo – here’s to good health all around!!!
Wahoo! So wonderful, Sandy.
Blessed Be…..you are a beautiful exemplary model for us all. May the Goddess continue to shine on your journey of healing and give you grace as you are fully engaged and present in mind/body/spirit!
Wonderful news, Kris. Congrats. I’ve followed you for 7 years. While my journey has not been as ‘serious’ as yours (yet), I’ve learned a lot from you, and you have helped me in many ways. One example: for years, I had an abnormal EKG. Nothing showed up on stress-tests, so my MD said, ‘It’s just you.’ After learning to juice from you, and doing it for 8 months, my next EKG was perfectly normal. And, still is. I don’t know where I’d be today–7 years later–but I’m pretty sure I’m in a better place than I would have been. I’m grateful for you.
The power of plants, am I right, Jack? Mwah!
You have been inspiring me and giving courage since I had diagnosis!!! I have the same fear and anxiety when I have pains…and thank you for sharing your true feeling and emotions…
I’m SO glad to hear that your scan was OK and doctor is confident that he doesn’t need to see you for next 3 years!! Great news!!!
Kris, you are a hero to so many and I’m glad that God blessed you with good news. You are such a beautiful person inside and out!
Dear Kris, I am so grateful that you have told your story. I’m also a cancer patient at Dana Farber- 8 years out with a metastatic breast cancer diagnosis. So much of your experience with cancer relates to mine. Your descriptions of cancer anxiety are really similar. Every pain understandably is a concern in the mind and soul. I am thankful for the honesty yet lightness you present. Congrats on your scan. Isn’t it wonderful that research is starting more – it means a lot to have that in your back pocket. Love and kindness to you!
The wave of positivity you’re riding.. your happiness, your love of self, your love of others, your love of HELPING others get to a place of healing and emotional health, it ALL serves to enforce my ever-growing knowledge of just how powerful and important self-love and affirmations are to our overall health. KC, you continue to be the person I turn to when I need a jolt of emotional calm. Your strength and love of life is beautifully contagious. I, for one, feel such overwhelming relief when I hear good news about your health. I am a devout follower, and I hope, somehow, you can feel the positive energy and prayers I have for you.
I’m oh-so-grateful for you, Carolyn. <3
Thank you for sharing your wonderful news and story. You are so inspiring. Your work and contributions are such a gift to all of us.
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You are an inspiration. I’m beyond ecstatic about the state of your health! Years of conscientious research about nutrition, you practice what you preach. May G-d always bless you, and may your father have a full recovery. We say in Hebrew: רפואה שלימה
So glad to hear that your test results brought good news ! Worries and then the good news are some of lIfe’s roller coaster ride as you know. May GOD grant you more ups than downs in your ride through life. Life is just a journey, not a destination !
Thanks for sharing these wonderful news, Kris!
Congratulations, your work is so helpful and inspiring, thank you for that too.
Best wishes from Berlin, Constanze
I am so happy for you dear, sweet Kris!! You are so amazing and such an inspiration to so many people!! It brought tears to my eyes to read your latest blog, I was so happy for you! Keep going on in your amazing, super, awesome way! You not only took hold of your life and your illness, but you made yourself one of the most amazing role models for all of us who are sick and for all of us who are well. God bless you!! Much, much love to you!!
I’m celebrating YOU! By living the principles of selfceare as healthcare and your ability/willingness/passion to share yourself and your journey is more valuable than you will ever know in this lifetime! Defining yourself by ALL the glorious good is one of your many badass Super Powers! Love you!
Thank you, Suzanne. Love you!
Cheers Kris ??????????
You are beyond beautiful…
keep being you 🙂
You are loved
The universe loves you
God loves you
We all love you… you are loved ?
Thanks so much for being,
so beautiful, natural, and real.
Our Earth and our society needs more absolute babes like you!
We see you
We believe in you
We appreciate you
more than you will ever know ☀️??❤️
In just about 15 minutes I will be heading to my onc for another six-month check-up. Your email fell upon me like a timely gift from heaven. My palms are slightly less sweaty now. Thank you, Kris.
I’m happy this came at the right time for you, Tricia. I’ll be holding you in my heart!
Congratulations Kris. Tears…. those ones are the best kind. like breathing deep again. so much love to you.
Dear Kris, so happy to see your photo roasting yourself and the awesome report you received from your doctor!
I can say that nothing you offer in support to yourself and your following is ever woo-woo! We do what we need to in order to heal ourselves and provide the best self care possible! Sometime I’ll tell you about MBOs – Most Benevolent Outcomes – that I’m learning to work with which entails releasing the outcome to our Angels who are always around us to offer help.
We’re so fortunate to have you and your work near us … in spirit and access digitally! I am so grateful for that!
Looking forward to what you’re up to and sending out to us in the future! Meanwhile let’s all celebrate You and the great news you’ve shared!
With lots of love and gratitude,
I Am Karen.
I call that worry the 10-minute recurrence. Once you’ve had cancer almost everything feels like it could be a sign of a recurrence. When I hear myself start to fret, my better, smarter self quickly puts on the brakes. I ask myself, “What do I know to be true?” Then I enumerate my blessings and a more logical, more sensible and simpler reason for my ache, pain, discomfort. My first stop is always the chiropractor and that usually alleviates whatever strange new pain I have. It’s temporary and superficial. I remind myself of this cycle with a few deep breaths and the worry passes.
The 10-minute recurrence… boy, is that accurate! Thanks for your tips, Leslie. You’ve already helped me and so many others by sharing!