Hiya Gorgeous,
This is a deeply personal blog. In it, I’m sharing an important health update, as well as some hard-earned tips for how to navigate the fear of medical tests and scan anxiety. Though this post is specific to my cancer journey, these tools can be applied to lots of other scary shit pickles. 🙂
A few months ago, I realized that I was overdue for my 2-year CAT scan, blood tests and visit with my oncologist. My first thought was: “Damn it! I don’t have time for this. I’m just too busy.” But I quickly realized that “I’m too busy” is an affirmation. It sends a message to my body that I’m not a priority, my health isn’t important and neither is my life. That message certainly isn’t in alignment with my love for myself or my health goals—I needed to flip the script, posthaste!
So I quickly reached for better thoughts by telling myself that my health and safety are my top priorities, and that nothing would get in the way of me taking care of myself. Then I made self-care accountability a topic on a recent Wellness Wednesday live broadcast. I asked for you to hold me accountable for making and going to these extremely important appointments.
Pssst… I also encouraged you to schedule any health check-ups you’ve been blowing off. Have you done that yet, dear one?
Something I didn’t share during that Wellness Wednesday is that I was very anxious about that appointment. Maybe my heightened emotions were influenced by the fear I have around my dad’s journey with pancreatic cancer and how helpless I feel at times. Or maybe it was because I’ve been feeling some new pains in my rib cage, which had me wondering if my disease had finally spread to my bones. Or perhaps it was that strange lump in my arm that was secretly freaking me the F out.
Or maybe it was that I’d just agreed to some exciting opportunities this fall, and in the back of my mind I was afraid that my disease had finally woken up and become aggressive. That would mean pressing pause and putting my full focus on my health—again.
As you can tell, there’s been a lot of uncertainty swirling around in my mind. While I’m skilled at staying grounded and not catastrophizing, these symptoms and fears put my practice to the test!
That’s the thing about being a cancer patient. Every little ache, pain or sneeze can send you into a tailspin of sweaty worry. And when that happens, we need tools to help diffuse those emotions before they totally take over and spread like a nasty contagion.
So here’s what I did to calm myself down, return to my center and connect with my heart.
When I got to the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute for my appointment (yes, the self-care accountability did help!), I hunkered down in the public bathroom (a spiffy place, by the way!) and did two things.
First, I looked in the mirror, stared deeply into my own green eyes and with all the compassion I could muster, I said:
“I love you. I’m here for you. Whatever happens, we’ve got this. We’ll figure it out. I’ve got your back and I always will. I love you.”
Deep breath… And another… And yet another.
I kept breathing and repeating those words over and over again until I could feel the butterflies (no, more like gassy dragons!) in my stomach calm down. And they did.
Second, I started to make a mental list of all the things that are right with me. Sure, I have dozens of tumors in my lungs and liver, a weird pain in my ribs and a strange lump in my arm, but there are so many parts of me that are working exceptionally—including those that are struggling. This simple exercise brought me back to a place of gratitude for all that is working in my life. And when you’re in gratitude, it’s harder to be in anxiety.
The next time you feel out of control or like the floor is about to fall out from under you, try these tips. They may seem hokey or woo-woo, but believe me, these little exercises are powerful soul medicine.
Ok, and now for the news: All is well. Cue the band!
The lump in my arm is a harmless fatty tumor, there’s nothing going on with my rib cage (looks like I pulled a muscle while using my favorite workout app—no further metastasis, I’m just out of shape, lol), and the tumors in my liver and lungs are still stable. Deep sigh… I’ve been living with this strange stage IV sarcoma for more years than I thought I would, and all truly is well.
But there’s more! My oncologist felt confident enough to suggest that I could come back in 3-5 years (I’ve been going every 2 years or more since getting diagnosed). What?! That’s like a lifetime to me. I never thought he’d say something like that or that I could experience that much time (and freedom) between hospital visits. Tears…
In his words, “we’re just thrilled.” After comparing 16 years of scans, the consensus is that even though I still have cancer, I’m well enough and it’s indolent enough to give me more breathing room—and I’ll gratefully take it.
Plus, I also learned that there’s a clinical trial underway for my disease (epithelioid hemangioendothelioma). The first of its kind. So that’s some potential progress for my rare sarcoma and all the patients who live with it—some of whom have a more aggressive form.
I can’t tell you how happy I am to share this news with you all, especially those of you who have followed my journey since the beginning. Though I don’t write about cancer as much as I used to, it’s still always in the background of my mind and it always will be. It continues to teach me, and I continue to define myself by my values, desires, goals and love—not cancer.
Join me on social!
I share simple ways you take impeccable care of yourself—body, mind and soul. Instagram and Facebook. I did a Wellness Wednesday episode on this topic and shared more tips for dealing with health anxiety—check out the replay here!
Thanks again for supporting me, friends. And don’t forget to make your well-being a priority. Book those doctor appointments and do whatever else you need to do. The world needs you (and so do I).
Peace & deep gratitude,
Thank you for sharing Kris. I’m 7 years out & still continue to go to my oncology appointments every 6 months. But it will likely be yearly at my next visit, yay! Or shall I say Kale yeah! I still get fearful & tell myself all the stories of cancer making a move la la la , but I’m getting more confidence in my healing , whatever that looks like. I’m going to look into my eyes more often & tell myself “ I’ve got your back baby” in Gratitude for your sharing, your awesome, expected news! Susan
So happy happy happy for you and good results on your scans. You are truly an amazing person and am so glad my sister told me about you. I have been cancer free for 15 months. I love your wellness Wednesday’s.
That is amazingly wonderful news! I found you in 2008 when I was diagnosed with 3b adenocarcinoma (lung). Last year, after 10 years of treatment/check-ups at Memorial Sloan Kettering, I was graduated and told not to come back ever again!! Best news ever (but, yes, I still have that anxiety…all the time) Your book, Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips, got me through some dark days. Made me laugh and have hope! In 2009, I also met you at Donna Karan’s space in Manhattan, and had the honor of sharing a settee with your mom and aunt. We toasted you with green juice! Today, I have gifted friends and acquaintances with that book if they are dealing with cancer…the latest one, today. But it’s been a joy for all, even for those wives whose husbands have been the one receiving a diagnosis. Thank you for all you’ve done, and all you do. You’re the pebble dropped in the lake that continues to send out ripples of crazy sexy empowerment.
Love you, Dena! Cheers 😉
Loved your post, hon. Thank you so much for sharing…so thrilled that you got such wonderful news. God is Good. You know, Kris, I’ve always struggled with worry and anxiety (I also have OCD). I and my two bro’s had terrible child abuse at the hands of a nasty step-mother for many years. For which I’ve forgiven her and given that over as ‘something between her and God.’ Doesn’t involve me anymore.
Anyway, I ended up last summer going through a HORRIBLE bout of OCD and anxiety. Couldn’t snap out of it this time (retired, so maybe too much time to worry). I attended a class on OCD/anxiety at Rogers Hospital in Appleton, WI. It help lots. Also went on Prozac (although I’ve fought taking drugs all my life…have already lowered the dose, and will get off of it a.s.a.p.). Still, although those things helped (and the positive self-talk), the anxiety still remained, a harbinger of gloom and doom on my shoulder. I FINALLY decided to give it ALL over to God, like the Bible says. ‘EVERYTHING’ like it says in the verse below (and think about it, everything is ‘small’ from God’s perspective). I started talking to God all day (silently, mostly, as the Bible says that He reads our mind). Wow. After 62 years, this is the FIRST time that I have found true peace amidst the storm. I realize that I had been trying to get ‘certainty’ and assurance from inside of myself (or from others)…and the only true certainty is God and His Peace. Trusting and obeying Him, and just listening for His still, small voice and direction. I also listen to Calvary Chapel of Appleton’s weekly podcasts/Sunday Bible studies online. Wow. The Bible I’m finding is actually a ‘Handbook for Living.’
Okay, enough of my babbling…just wanted to mention this stuff in case it helps anyone else. Self help and positive self-talk is GREAT, but giving it all over to God was the only thing that ever came close to helping me find true peace. Love and hugs to you, Kris…thank you for all of our work and inspiration…you have been such a help to me and soooo many. Love and Hugs! ~ “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6.
Thank you Kari! Such beautiful words, advice and perspective. Appreciate you sharing. xo
Congratulations! Some exciting news! Thank you for inspiring so many of us.
Thank you right back, Veronica. Couldn’t do it without you!
Love and blessings to you, Kris and thank you for being such a wonderful inspiration. You are a shining star!
Thanks so much Chris,and Congatulations!
I so appreciate your input, your books, your offerings to me and others. Just going thru a similar scary time,coming out ok, but it’s always there and the struggle to prove you r ok as a cancer thriver. The fear is so ever present though it doesn’t need to be there….
You don’t know me, but I do you. I’m one of the countless folks who so appreciates who you are and all that you do. Thanks for bringing your love and light to all of us. You rock Kris and make the world a better place.
A cosmic hug from Boulder, Douglas
(PS: my spiritual name is Ganesha and I see how successfully you remove obstacles… brava!)
Wow, thanks so much Douglas! 🙂
I love you! Again about two to three years ago I did your crazy, sexy, diet and I lost around 28 pounds and all of my numbers were excellent! My doctor was so impressed! I have to put my mindset back to doing that becase I was much healthier!
Love ya right back, Kimberley! xo
I was so thrilled to read the good news! I’m happy to hear your health is still continuing to get better and better 🙂
So happy for you Kris! I do a self care affirmation similar to yours daily to help keep my anxiety in check. Thank you for sharing and being so open hearted. You always inspire me. Sending you lots of love!!!
Congratulations Kris, that is great news! Thank you for sharing and thank you for your constant positive motivation. I am a 6 year breast cancer survivor and 6 month epithelioid hemangioendothelioma survivor. The EHE diagnosis has been difficult to handle but having you as my role model gives me lots of hope. I was saying, I hope I make 15 years like Kris, now I can say 16 years like Kris! Awesome!!
Tracy! Plan for way more than 16 years – I will too! We’ve got this. 🙂 Love you sister.
For all of you with health concerns, sending Sparkling Prayers, Wishes! I’ve been a forever fan of Kris Carr since my two breast cancers in ’05 and ’08, have followed her books’ wisdom, and continue to have clear scans, as well. I would like to offer to you to view the You Tube video, ‘What the Clergy Has to say about Dr. Isaam Nemeh’, and decide for yourself if this is something that may benefit you; while healings and recoveries are not promised, there have been miraculous healings of all kinds of diseases and disorders over many years now; Dr. Nemeh is a humble man and allows it is the love of our Lord working through him. He is located in Ohio, often travels to Michigan, and elsewhere in the country. I have been 3x myself, and taken family and friends. The experience / feeling is Amazing. There is a fee to help cover costs of his traveling for the healing services, if there is financial hardship, you can communicate with their staff. One friend had a stage 4 uterine cancer, and is living well today, over 10 years later. There have also been healings with people with maladies affecting the neurological systems. I offer this with the best of intentions. Susan McLean BSN, MEd, Novi, Michigan
I’m 2 years out from Stage 3 ovarian and I remember well thinking to myself after diagnosis-“please just let me see my son graduate high school”. That’s what no MD can “cure”- post treatment fear and the “what ifs”…thank you for your very relatable fears, anxieties, and yes, your victory. When I was going through chemo I needed positivity, and looked to you. We are surrounded by others on this same journey and as much as it SUCKS it will teach you to enjoy every experience you didn’t expect after cancer.
Oh I am so so so so happy for you Kris …… keep going with your positive attitude, you really are an inspiration to us all … biggest hugs from New Zealand xxxxoooo
Kris, you are amazing. Happy that you got through you anxiety and ct scan. You are a wellness warrior and I love it.
Wonderful news! You are pure light and love (even if it doesn’t always feel like it). So proud of you for sticking to your plans and keeping your awesome sense of humor while you do your thing.
So glad you are okay, Kris. You are such an inspiration to so many people! Thank you for never giving up on yourself, and because of you there are many people who never give up on themselves.
Hiya Kris darling, I am soooo happy for your news and that you are able to share it with me. You are a total inspiration to me and I love that you are in my life. Love and hugs Rona xxx
Chris..you are an inspiration..don’t give up.
I love you.
I have ordered 3 day cleanse.
K
Keep the faiH.. thank you for reaching out to us.
I know you are sincere.
Joining with you, in hope..and you are a comfort.
I
Pain, leaves us feeling alone..and afraid.
In pain right now. Don’t give up.
Bless, you..amazing conquered..