Hiya Gorgeous,
This is a deeply personal blog. In it, I’m sharing an important health update, as well as some hard-earned tips for how to navigate the fear of medical tests and scan anxiety. Though this post is specific to my cancer journey, these tools can be applied to lots of other scary shit pickles. 🙂
A few months ago, I realized that I was overdue for my 2-year CAT scan, blood tests and visit with my oncologist. My first thought was: “Damn it! I don’t have time for this. I’m just too busy.” But I quickly realized that “I’m too busy” is an affirmation. It sends a message to my body that I’m not a priority, my health isn’t important and neither is my life. That message certainly isn’t in alignment with my love for myself or my health goals—I needed to flip the script, posthaste!
So I quickly reached for better thoughts by telling myself that my health and safety are my top priorities, and that nothing would get in the way of me taking care of myself. Then I made self-care accountability a topic on a recent Wellness Wednesday live broadcast. I asked for you to hold me accountable for making and going to these extremely important appointments.
Pssst… I also encouraged you to schedule any health check-ups you’ve been blowing off. Have you done that yet, dear one?
Something I didn’t share during that Wellness Wednesday is that I was very anxious about that appointment. Maybe my heightened emotions were influenced by the fear I have around my dad’s journey with pancreatic cancer and how helpless I feel at times. Or maybe it was because I’ve been feeling some new pains in my rib cage, which had me wondering if my disease had finally spread to my bones. Or perhaps it was that strange lump in my arm that was secretly freaking me the F out.
Or maybe it was that I’d just agreed to some exciting opportunities this fall, and in the back of my mind I was afraid that my disease had finally woken up and become aggressive. That would mean pressing pause and putting my full focus on my health—again.
As you can tell, there’s been a lot of uncertainty swirling around in my mind. While I’m skilled at staying grounded and not catastrophizing, these symptoms and fears put my practice to the test!
That’s the thing about being a cancer patient. Every little ache, pain or sneeze can send you into a tailspin of sweaty worry. And when that happens, we need tools to help diffuse those emotions before they totally take over and spread like a nasty contagion.
So here’s what I did to calm myself down, return to my center and connect with my heart.
When I got to the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute for my appointment (yes, the self-care accountability did help!), I hunkered down in the public bathroom (a spiffy place, by the way!) and did two things.
First, I looked in the mirror, stared deeply into my own green eyes and with all the compassion I could muster, I said:
“I love you. I’m here for you. Whatever happens, we’ve got this. We’ll figure it out. I’ve got your back and I always will. I love you.”
Deep breath… And another… And yet another.
I kept breathing and repeating those words over and over again until I could feel the butterflies (no, more like gassy dragons!) in my stomach calm down. And they did.
Second, I started to make a mental list of all the things that are right with me. Sure, I have dozens of tumors in my lungs and liver, a weird pain in my ribs and a strange lump in my arm, but there are so many parts of me that are working exceptionally—including those that are struggling. This simple exercise brought me back to a place of gratitude for all that is working in my life. And when you’re in gratitude, it’s harder to be in anxiety.
The next time you feel out of control or like the floor is about to fall out from under you, try these tips. They may seem hokey or woo-woo, but believe me, these little exercises are powerful soul medicine.
Ok, and now for the news: All is well. Cue the band!
The lump in my arm is a harmless fatty tumor, there’s nothing going on with my rib cage (looks like I pulled a muscle while using my favorite workout app—no further metastasis, I’m just out of shape, lol), and the tumors in my liver and lungs are still stable. Deep sigh… I’ve been living with this strange stage IV sarcoma for more years than I thought I would, and all truly is well.
But there’s more! My oncologist felt confident enough to suggest that I could come back in 3-5 years (I’ve been going every 2 years or more since getting diagnosed). What?! That’s like a lifetime to me. I never thought he’d say something like that or that I could experience that much time (and freedom) between hospital visits. Tears…
In his words, “we’re just thrilled.” After comparing 16 years of scans, the consensus is that even though I still have cancer, I’m well enough and it’s indolent enough to give me more breathing room—and I’ll gratefully take it.
Plus, I also learned that there’s a clinical trial underway for my disease (epithelioid hemangioendothelioma). The first of its kind. So that’s some potential progress for my rare sarcoma and all the patients who live with it—some of whom have a more aggressive form.
I can’t tell you how happy I am to share this news with you all, especially those of you who have followed my journey since the beginning. Though I don’t write about cancer as much as I used to, it’s still always in the background of my mind and it always will be. It continues to teach me, and I continue to define myself by my values, desires, goals and love—not cancer.
Join me on social!
I share simple ways you take impeccable care of yourself—body, mind and soul. Instagram and Facebook. I did a Wellness Wednesday episode on this topic and shared more tips for dealing with health anxiety—check out the replay here!
Thanks again for supporting me, friends. And don’t forget to make your well-being a priority. Book those doctor appointments and do whatever else you need to do. The world needs you (and so do I).
Peace & deep gratitude,
Your fantastic news brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy for you, dear Kris! I have been following you since 2007 shortly after I was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer and came upon Your Crazy Sexy Cancer documentary which was truly inspirational and gave me hope, a beacon of light. You have been a part of my journey through cancer. Thank you for sharing as you do and bringing hope and words of encouragement to so many. I love your tips for handling scan anxiety- will try that next time I have a scan.
Hi Joyce! This is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy. Kris will absolutely love your comments, thank you on her behalf. She’s a beacon for a lot of us, that’s for sure. Thanks for being part of our amazing community! Xo from the team.
I never write comments, I never really read more than the first or second one in a news post or article. But I feel the need, I feel the need to shout from the roof tops – I am so ver happy for your stability but also so very jealous. Here’s the thing – I was diagnosed with Medullary Thyroid cancer in January 2007, huge surgery and subsequent radiation didn’t get rid of it. Now over the last almost 13 years, it continues to grow and now and grow. I have it everywhere, in my lungs, liver and bones BUT it has been a long slow process but it just won’t behave with the stability that others with my disease often experience.
Back then, I was a new cancer patient and was sitting lost and alone, terrified when a special came on tv, just months after my own diagnosis, I watched Kris Carr’s Crazy Sexy Cancer special on TV. It was like the world was speaking to me, look Kathy, you’re not alone there is someone just like you, going through a similar journey. WOW Kris you gave me a boost in my own super powers to hang on a little longer. Now all these years later, you get 3-5 years between your visits and I get ramped up to 6 months in between. I’m happy for you, I really am but a little green eyed monster also is rearing her head. Just saying and telling the truth. I love you Kris but I want to win a few more battles like you have too. Keep on keeping on girl.
Hi Kathy! This is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy and our whole team is sending you lots of love and healing energy. You are definitely not alone. This whole, wonderful community is filled with people in all paths of their health journeys – some very sick, others very healthy. Being gentle with yourself and blowing off some steam when you need to (we hear you!) is key. Telling the truth is always best, even if you’re a little green-eyed monster. 🙂 (I bet you’re a cute one!)
Here’s a great blog I love to share on self-care for the gentle soul. Also, Kris has a great Pep-Talk Meditation that’s free (3rd item down)! We all need pep talks, that’s for sure.
Lastly, I’m wondering if tapping might be helpful for you. That’s a great way to manage bad feelings, in my experience. Here’s a link: What Is Tapping: Emotional Freedom Technique.
I hope these links are helpful and get you feeling better. You are definitely not alone. We love having you here. And thanks for all the love for Kris! She will be very excited to read this.
Thank you Jennifer, all good advice you have shared and I will be sure to make the effort to reconnect with the healing techniques you’ve mentioned. I appreciate the reach out to me and you are right – my green-eyed monster is cute.
Kris is a rockstar in her approach, discipline and effort to heal herself from cancer and in turn spread her knowledge to others. It’s one of those things that I feel like I’m watching; like a kid with my face pressed up against the window wanting that so bad for myself, so over-joyed that this “thing” I want exists, but feel like I may never get it, no matter how good a girl I am. Conundrum.
Anyway, its onward for me – I just had to say what I feel “out loud” and I truly and genuinely appreciate your time and response. With love. K
I am so happy to help, Kathy. Kris does have an incredible story, but keep in mind her motto is “progress, not perfection.” Don’t assume it won’t happen, take baby steps to try to get there. And never, ever, ever beat yourself up. You’re too precious. 🙂 I love your last line – it is most definitely onward and upward for that adorable little green-eyed monster. Xo from all of us at Team Crazy Sexy!
Congratulations! Thank you for writing about your journey. You inspire me so much with your positivity, courage, and loving spirit. Deeply grateful for your presence on this earth and your fine example.
OH KRIS, WHAT WONDERFUL NEWS!!! We all applaud you and the methods you keep reminding us of to insure our JOY, HOPEFULNESS, and LOVE remain prominent in all our lives !!! I don’t have cancer or so many of the challenges many deal with . I’m going to be 87 in June, married my high school sweetheart who “went home” 14 years ago. I still have our 4sons to love and enjoy along with their lovely ,“original”, wives. I find , when I sing in a local bar weekly, that I’m an inspiration to so many! Thank you for your daily encouragement! Love, XOXOXO. Fay
That is fantastic!! I don’t carry, as far as I know, any chronic diseases. But I am going in for a regular check-up and blood work tomorrow. I never, I mean NEVER, go to the doctor for anything. Routine or otherwise. So, in the back of my mind it’s like, “Oh great! Watch this is it!” Not sure why our minds go there.
I have been following your journey since “Crazy Sexy Cancer” aired on Super Soul Sunday in 2011. That one moment began a whole research journey of my own. I can “hear” my body talk to me and I know when it’s telling me to STOP WITH THE CRAZINESS — Craziness of my eating habits mainly. I advocate for our bodies being amazing self-healers using food, calmness, oils, dry-brushing, and just overall common sense, everyday, not-so-“doctory” things. I get a lot of sideways looks from people and friends calling me their “hippie” friend, but that’s ok. 😉
Anyhoo, I’m rambling on to mainly tell you how wonderful you are and thank you for always sharing your story. (Which, BTW…your doc is the first one I tell people to watch who are looking into their health…Is there ANY way that “Crazy Sexy Cancer” can be converted to a “streaming” purchase?) Love you and have a wonderful Sunday =)
Hi Kimberly, this is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy. I just wanted to let you know I’ve passed your comments onto Kris and they meant so much to her. A big “thank you” from the Queen of Green Juice herself. It sounds like you have taken some of Kris’s wisdom, added a big, beautiful dose of yours, and have come out with a perfect-for-Kimberly system. We hope the doc appointment went well today. I also asked about the streaming question and will certainly get the word out if she is able to start streaming Crazy Sexy Cancer. Xo, you lovely “hippie” friend. We love you just like you are. ❤
So happy to hear! Sending you lots of love and light!
I wanted my friend to see your documentary so badly after he got some bad news today. I was so disappointed that it just says Currently unavailable?? Is there any way to see it?
At this time, Amazon is the only place to purchase this documentary to watch it. You may reach out to the seller (which is the publisher) to see when they’ll have it in stock again.
I am a healthy 58 year old woman who has recently lost three family members. Two with cardiac issues one with severe inflammation and arthritis issues. I have all of your books and for lack of anything earth-shattering to share I just plain love and admire you.. you are my hero.
Amy
I have first read your book Crazy, Sex Diet many years ago, mostly as a vegetarian trying to switch to a more vegan, raw food oriented diet. When I was diagnosed with stage III non-hodgkin lymphoma in February (on international cancer day of all days), I went back to your book and your blog. I’m happy to share that according to my scans and blood tests, the lymphoma is gone, but ever since I received the good news I find myself even more stressed out and anxious than before (and I am really not an anxious person by nature). In some ways, I find it harder to deal with this post-treatment, remission period where every new ache and pain sends my into a spiral of wild and negative what ifs. My check-ups are scheduled at intervals of every 2.5-3 months for the next two years and I often find myself getting really anxious and stressed out a few days before (to the point of grinding my teeth and getting stomach aches!). I find that reading this blog entry and doing the two exercises you suggested helps immensely in calming myself down. Thank you for sharing your tips! I am doing the exercises right now as I’m getting ready for my check-up.
My niece has just been diagnosed with stage 4 eptheloid hemargioendothilioma she is 28years of age can you recommend the best of your books I could purchase for her I have found reading your history a comfort
Hi Elsie, please email us at [email protected] and we’ll provide you a bunch of resources for your niece. Sending you all love!
Dear Kris,
I am thrilled for you. No matter where life takes us you are always in my prayers and I am deeply grateful for those learning years at CSC. So happy you are doing well. Thank God for all the progress and DFI. Lighting a candle of thanks for your health and joy. Always Callie Broussard-Wheeler
This is so awesome! Thanks for the good news. I am happy for you. I have a PET scan tomorrow and I am scared. But reading your story makes me feel better. I’m going to remind myself that I am here for me too, no matter what. Good advice. Your blog has been helping me since 2013.
After nine years of being cancer free in Stage 4 – BAM – BC tumor in my femur. But ONLY my femur. I am grateful for what my metastatic disease is NOT !! Now for a grown up commitment to my health. I am the President of the United Status of ME ! Grateful for the LOVE on this resource as I begin my journey to health from the INSIDE out.