Hi Sweet Friends,
Do you shy away from celebrating your victories because you’re afraid people will think you’re full of yourself? You’re not alone. It’s easy to feel awkward when you stand out and shine. “Will they accept me? Make fun of me? Think I’m a pompous jerk?” Those questions would make anyone draw inside the lines (carefully).
To fit in, we believe that it’s safer to bond over pain rather than triumph. Heck, we even outdo each other’s misery. “Oh, you think that’s bad, listen to THIS.” The more we dwell on the negative, the more negative energy we create. And the smaller we behave the smaller our world becomes.
Today I want to encourage you/us to bond over breakthroughs. Embody yourself fully. Full is fabulous. Big. Round. Ripe. Complete. Unique. Full is what the world needs. Not half empty.
Celebrate Your Success
A few months ago one of my girlfriends had a major win. She self-published a powerful book that took off overnight. Within a few days it was climbing the charts on Amazon and by the end of the week, she had landed herself a traditional book deal. That’s no small accomplishment. And it all happened because she was willing to do the work and put her courageous (and wise) self out there. The book: Jump and Your life Will Appear by Nancy Levin. When I heard the good news, I wanted to pop bubbly and take her dancing. But since Nancy lives on the west coast, and I’m a Woodstock gal, that wasn’t possible. So we did the next best thing–Skype!
Here’s the message I sent her: Do you have 5 minutes for us to brag about you?
Here’s her response: LOL! YES! THANK YOU!
We squealed, laughed, and even got teary. Most importantly, we paused and acknowledged her wonderful victory. And guess what? In that moment, I felt as special as she did. When we authentically celebrate someone else’s achievement, we win with them.
After that call, I thought long and hard about how to elevate my own energy more consistently. Giving my girlfriend the opportunity to have a good healthy brag session helped me realized that I don’t give it to myself enough. So in the spirit of walking my talk, allow me to brag (it’s not headline worthy, but it means something to me)… A few weekends ago I learned how to use a wood chipper in order to help my husband clear our field. That’s huge for me, especially because I have a very active imagination. All I kept thinking about was that scene in the movie Fargo. If you saw the flick, you know exactly what I’m saying. Not pretty. Thankfully my limbs stayed attached to my body and at the end of the day, I felt like a badass, capable, sexy beast. I took pride in the sweat and dirt and I also got a terrific workout.
And that’s my brag. Wanna join me? Here’s how…
5 tips for building self-confidence with healthy bragging:
1. If you’ve been taught to put a lid on your victories, rip that sucker off. Do your own personal, invigorating end-zone dance. Bragging is just a way of showing your pride for hard work well done. If you win your personal super bowl (this can be a huge goal like launching your own business or something as simple as knitting a scarf), that’s damn exciting and share-worthy.
2. Align yourself with people who lift you up, not tear you down or want to bond through wallowing. It’s easy to get caught up in all that’s not working. But remember, manifesting our deepest desires is about having gratitude for what we have, the bravery to admit what we want, and the ability to hold optimistic space for all possibilities–even the ones we don’t have in focus. The next time your pals, co-workers or mastermind groups want to gather for a bitch fest, opt-out. You’ve got better things to do. Leave the drama to the reality TV shows and tune-in to a healthier channel.
3. Do it with class and share the stage. Granted, some people are buttholes about it. Don’t be that. This isn’t a one way conversation and you’re not the center of the universe. Let others shine as much as you do. Pass the mic, the talking stick, the unicorn saddle. Be present, hold space for the other person, and for the love of God, stop checking your cell phone and listen.
4. Stop comparing. It’s hard to honor your special brag if you’re constantly measuring against others. They’ve got their thing, you’ve got yours. There’s room for all kinds of crazy kink in the world. Rather than getting jealous, or feeling inferior, allow others’ success to remind you that everything is possible. If you feel icky, examine where it’s coming from. An old wound that needs mending? Desires that aren’t big enough? Perhaps you want what they got and you realize that you’re just not aiming high enough. Fantastic! Stretch your dreams.
5. Like attracts like—focus on the good! In her book, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts, my friend Regena Thomashauer, (the Queen of teaching women how to have a healthy brag) says that “Bragging about the goodness in your life, especially your pleasurable accomplishments, unearths your desires and fans the flames of desire in other women. In talking about the good, more good can come your way.” PS. She also teaches us that women don’t brag nearly enough.
Starting over late in life can be daunting, but I chose to Shine On! ;o) In the midst of a residential move, I published a book with Balboa, and my photographic art work has just been delivered to the Holter Museum of Art for display and sale. Thanks for the opportunity and inspiration Kris! ;o) New beginnings only happen when you focus on what you want … not what you had or lost. It’s a much better energy investment! ;o) I’m grateful for your inspiration. Shine On!
I’m applying for the new Dean of Students position at my school. I’m currently a teacher, so this is a big move for me. I’m feeling really good about it and know that I can serve students, teachers and parents in this role. I’m bragging like I’ve already nailed down the position. Yes!
My brag: I’M PREGNANT!!!!
My best friend shared the news with me that she was pregnant a few months ago. That got my husband and I talking and we both came to the realization that now was the time and we both wanted it at the same time (we’re both in our 30’s we’ve been married for 10 years and we’ve never been on the same page about children until now). Our first month trying we had success! We never thought it would happen that quick given our age and that I’ve been on Birth Control for 10 years, but it did! Must have been the right time, right?!
This whole time I’ve been worried that people were going to think I was “copying” her (she’s about 11 weeks ahead of me). We work together so we know a lot of the same people. She decided to hold off telling people until she reached her 2nd trimester because she was worried about a miscarriage and if something did happen, she didn’t want to have to explain that to the world. I, on the other hand, don’t think the same way, so I told a handful of close people and family within a week of finding out. She started telling me that she’s hearing more people know about my pregnancy than hers. She doesn’t want us to be the crazy pregnant ladies and that maybe I should keep it on the DL for a while and that I should be careful. Guess what… I DON’T CARE! While I think her concern is legitamate and she is a more private person than I am, that doesn’t mean I have to follow the same rule of thumb! I’m super excited and I want people to know why I’m excited! I told the people I care about and I’m letting the rumor mill handle the rest. She thinks it’s better that not everyone knows… I personally don’t understand that. It’s an exciting time and people will want to know! I want to brag & celebrate!
Whoa, congrats Melissa! That’s awesome! And yeah, your brags are your own. Only you get to put a lid on them. x
I mastered cleaning and painting our very rough concrete patio and front porch. It was TOUGH hot sweaty work but looks AMAZING! You said it perfectly Kris, “I felt like a tough, capable, sexy beast”. LOL!!
I am working in this right now. I grew up in a family that chopped you down if you showed up. At fifty, I want to enjoy who I am and what I do well. I am starting to do this but realize that I have much anxiety around showing up. Am doing it anyway! Hurrah for me!! xoxoxo
I am battling breast cancer and have had some rough spots. However, I have made the decision to begin training for the Peachtree Road Race here in Atlanta on July 4th. I will be walking, not running, but this is huge for me. I just filmed an interview with one local station yesterday and will film with another station tomorrow. My main message is to get an annual mammogram (which is how my cancer was found), not to give up no matter what, and exercise will help the healing process. So much more I would like to get out there so I will be doing that in my 2nd book which I hope to have completed by the end of the year. Your Crazy Sexy Cancer books will of course be listed in the Appendix! You inspire me daily!
At age 47, nine years ago, I joined with six partners, all men, to found a new management consulting firm. I chose to do this as my marriage fell apart and I divorced my husband. In retrospective, I’m thinking I was damn courageous! Then, just to keep things interesting, the economy crashed. While other firms shut their doors and had big layoffs, we survived and thrived. Other women partners and senior staff have come and gone from our firm, and more male partners have been added to the mix, and I’m still in there, the sole female voice, helping take us to ever new levels, bringing the voice of wisdom to our work, and modeling an integrated life. I don’t travel on my kids’ birthdays, I go to their sports matches and recitals, support our CSA and bring real food to our family, and stay connected to community. In short, I help the world see that women can and will do what needs to be done, and doing it on our terms benefits everyone!
Thank you Kris! With the help of you and Marie I was inspired to go ahead and launch my http://IndieBookSchool.com online self-publishing program to the world. It’s not perfect but it’s a start, and I’m getting ready to do my thing and help authors who want to self-publish by the holiday season 2014 to get it done right. I’ve done these programs in realtime but the effort to put it online to reach more authors around the world was phenomenal, and I can’t wait for it to start!
Congrats Carla!
I am a poor swimmer with a fear of water, but decided a few months ago that I wanted to do a triathlon. On Monday I was able to do a full lap in the pool sans buoyancy belt. Yes, I was in the deep end!!!
Congrats! That is huge! Breaking through like this will help you in all of your exciting endeavors! Paddle on!
Despite being a poor swimmer with a fear of water, I decided a few months ago that I wanted to do a triathlon this summer. On Monday I was able to a full lap in the pool without a buoyancy belt. Yes, I was in the deep end!!!
I was diagnosed with cancer while my husband and I were both full-time college students (no money at all) and we had an infant. A few years later and all three of us are healthy, and just finished my bachelors degree.
I’m halfway through my chemo treatments and I am handling it with grace and humor.
I wish you great strength and peace and ongoing grace and joy as you move thru chemo.
‘Grace and humour’ – I felt the warm glow with those two words! Sending you a lot of love.
This week I helped my client (78 years old!) launch her FIRST iPad app! It has been a journey filled with much learning, occasional angst, and many rewards. It feels incredible to help clients realize their dreams, and in doing so, I fulfill mine. You can check the iPad app out at http://indezo.com/ – it’s a super cool app that helps people find their own intuitive, unique interior design style and then goes even further with photos, descriptions, guideposts and more.
Thanks for this chance to share, Kris! You inspire.
Warmly,
Kate
In the last year, I’ve lost a 7-year relationship, an 8-month relationship, and two grandparents who are very dear to me. During all this, I moved to a new city, got a new job, started grad school, lived by myself for the first time, vanquished my lingering depression and I’m so fucking proud of myself to be able to say, “Life has NEVER EVER been better!”
Rock on!!
Thank you Kris for a great article! Last fall, I left my boyfriend, after 11 years spent together. We used to do a huge organic garden together, but this year, preparing the garden and everything that comes with it, by myself, felt like a mountain. He was doing all the hard work, and I was taking care of the plants. Well, I’ve kicked my butt and I’ve learned how to operate the tractor and some other tools (they are wild beasts to taim). And I asked for help when I needed it, something I found not so easy to do. I’m poud that I’ve rolled up my sleeves, didn’t get discouraged and that I am on my way to get a beautiful garden, maybe smaller scale, but that will get lots of love and care, and which will give me lots of veggies in return!
At 60 I’m finding myself at a big turning point in life on so many levels. After a major Hashimotos “crash” I’m rebuilding my health, which is an amazing journey that teaches so much. It wasn’t until I finally had the courage to “leave” mainstream western medicine (which was slowly killing me after 25 years!) that I found a non-mainstream western doctor who is the partner in health and blessing I wished so hard to find. And of course Kris’ wisdom, juice and smoothie recipes are all part of my healing path.
I have been working to start a new career (never too late) and thought it was to be doing energetic and holistic healing of animals, which is one of my gifts. But I kept hitting a wall somehow, and recently I had the “aha” that I am supposed to work with humans (something I’m much more afraid of than animals). Ironically I have an MPH in health education which has sat on the shelf for 20 years…. so here I am reclaiming that dormant piece and using my college education after all. I want to help people reduce stress and anxiety, and find their balance using vibroacoustic therapy, hypnosis and mindful breathing, coach folks on recovering from chronic illness and give classes on how to live a simpler and healthier life. Being chemical free has been very important to me and I’m developing a line of pure, fragrance free (but full of yummy natural infusions of herbs) soaps, lotions, infused oils and salves. So I get to marry my love of herbs and soap making with my main practice. All the pieces came together to make a beautiful picture. And I will still heal animals, but it will be my blessing that I give back with no $$ attached. People always accept my services for free, they don’t always want to pay, so this ensures I connect with animals in need.
I still have a long way to go in overcoming fear. I appear to be a calm, strong, and capable person and I am, but fear has definitely kept me tamped down for many years (the deep hypothalamic dysfunction type, thank you Hashimotos!!) and I have sabotaged myself.
My brag is this — I am holding a summer solstice LovingKindness Meditation gathering in my beautiful healing garden. For me this is big, I’ve never hosted something spiritual before but my dream for my health practice is to add the Spirit to the Mind-Body-Spirit connection, because with out that true healing can’t occur. I live in Silicon Valley and the spirit is woefully missing for many and they need it back. I’m getting out of my comfort zone and inviting some acquaintances I’d like to get to know better. Extending myself socially isn’t easy so I’m proud of myself. My dearest friend, also my deep soul friend, passed away 10 years ago and I’m doing this in honor of her, she wants this for me.
I brag that I have a wonderful life filled with love, family, friends and inspiration.
I brag that I am helping make the world a better place by helping people heal through hands on healing.
I brag that I have almost made it to the empty nest (although I miss my chicks daily) raising four incredible children with whom I LOVE to spend time and who love to spend time with the family.
I brag that I am 75% through my health coaching certificate with Institute of Integrative Nutrition.
I brag that I started my health coaching practice yesterday.
I brag that I am looking forward to the future daily.
Last night I put a bunch of things on ebay that I’ve been meaning to do for MONTHS. I cleaned up my apartment, juiced, made a healthy dinner- WITH vegetables, AND took my fur kids for a walk. May not seem like much but last night was a huge success in doing some things I’ve been meaning to do. I RULE!
Hi Kris! I stopped working when I became pregnant with my first child over four years ago, then had another baby. My kids are now 3 1/2 years and 16 months. I made a huge move from NYC to the burbs of CT 1 year ago to the date. Whew that alone was a karmic wake-up. I’m ready to brag that I’m getting back ‘me’ in this very moment. I took a leap of faith 1 month ago to start my private health counseling practice. I am also launching a raw, cold-pressed, organic, yummy juice line next Saturday (CT Juice). 😉
I found strength and courage to do these things from the incredible women around me, including your dear mother and my friend, Aura. Your books, blogs & journey have inspired me to get into gear, believe in myself and find the courage after not working to say ‘why not?!” It shows how we are all interconnected in some way- here to guild each other on this journey in life, whether we know each other or not. I hope to meet you one day in CT to give you a hug of thanks for your inspiration. Hugs ❤️
I just quit my job and I will never again live someone else’s dream for my life. I am breaking fears’ chains and stepping out in faith unsure what my next step will be, but it will be MY step, no one else’s. The time is now and I am proud of myself regardless of how many people are questioning my sanity.
Forgot to mention Kris- that I met you last year at the Hay House Writers Workshop in NYC in June- you said you loved my Bic pen because it reminded you of high school- lol! Anyway it is because of that very workshop meeting you and listening to all of the speakers that day that I had the courage to sit down and finish my book. I also went to hear immaculae Ilbagezia speak and she encouraged me as well- what did you all had in common? Hay House authors! And so I proceeded with Balboa press as a result. The majority of my foreword is about you inspiring me to even attend that weekend and how everything fell into place after that. I would love to send you a complimentary copy for your reading pleasure. Would you be able to let me know the address to which I could send that? Thanks has always for your encouragement and positive thinking!
Like! 🙂
That takes such courage and what beautiful awareness you now have! I had a similar experience – and it was muddy and I felt like I had take a million steps back at times – but the thing that really helped me was the thought that you have to pull the catapult back to propel the object even further 🙂