Hiya Gorgeous,
Oh, it’s you again. Hello, fear.
Whether you’re fearful of getting sick, you’re currently dealing with a health issue, or you’re scared and struggling in other areas of your life, I want you to know that you’re in good company.
I also want you to know that learning how to overcome fear IS possible. And that doesn’t mean burning it to the ground every time it rears its ugly head. Sometimes it’s as simple as working WITH your fear rather than against it. Because fear contains powerful messages. When we’re courageous enough to be with what scares us, we can awaken our intuition and create a new path for healing.
Don’t judge your fears, invite them to tea!
It’s common to belittle our fears and try to prematurely cleanse them away. But just because we’re afraid, doesn’t mean we’re toxic or failing or falling off the spiritual wagon. Fear is one of the many colors in our emotional palette, and it’s often there for a reason. There’s nothing weak or less evolved about being frightened. And like I said, you’re not alone. We’re all scared. No one is fearless.
Anyone who lives with cancer (myself included), will tell you that figuring out how to overcome fear is an ever-evolving practice. Sometimes the shifts happen quite easily, other times our fears refuse to be rushed (and they really hate being trivialized). It took me years to have a realistic perspective about my own health terrors. And let me be honest, I’m still working on it. Though I had the same information that I have now, time and experience have had a tremendous impact on how I work with my fears.
Fear is normal and, to a certain extent, it’s important.
We can thank fear when it makes us get a lump checked or tells us not to walk alone down that dark alley. We can have gratitude for fear when it shakes us awake or jolts us from complacency.
But while fear can play a very valuable role in igniting action, we can’t let it run our lives—especially if our fears are totally unfounded or irrational. Once we receive the message (the aha!), we need to disable the fear alarm, turn it off, cool it down. Because no one can thrive in a constant state of panic—our bodies aren’t built for that (and neither are our spirits).
So, how do you get what you need from fear without letting it pull you under? Here are some of my go-to methods…
How to Overcome Fear: 9 Simple Tips to Set You Free from What Scares You
1. Bring yourself back to the present moment.
The here. The now. The pillow under your butt. The ground under your feet. The real reality. Unplug the movie in your mind and pet your dog. That’s real. That’s what’s really happening.
2. Open your heart.
You know those fluttering feelings in your belly? Instead of getting hysterical, just sit with them. Breathe through them. Deeply. Slowly. Continually. Have the guts to stay there longer than you’d like. If sadness comes up, let it be there. If anger comes up, that’s ok too. Tears will probably follow. This is the ripest place. This is real and raw and wonderful. Congratulations! You’re licking through your own noise to get to the Tootsie Roll at the center of the spiritual lollipop!
3. Listen.
Once you’ve made contact with what’s coming up for you, ask fear what it’s trying to say. Request that it communicate in a calm, coherent way. Don’t rush it. (Unless, of course, Freddy Krueger hops out from behind the next tree, in which case you should save the analysis for later and run very fast!) But if the monsters are only in your very colorful imagination, have some R.E.S.P.E.C.T., mind your manners and don’t interrupt. Let fear speak.
4. Do an intuition gut check.
Make a determination about whether your fear is constructive or destructive. Journaling can be a really helpful way to get clarity on this. If you agree with the fear, begin to explore how you can make a healthy shift. If you don’t agree, you can simply decline the opportunity to react. Instead of indulging yourself and peeing in your new pants, soothe your thoughts like you would soothe a nervous 5-year-old. Hint: If you’re having a hard time determining what’s constructive versus destructive, a good therapist can help you with this. Mine sure helps me!
5. Identify fear fantasies.
Fantasy and imagination are our most powerful, creative resources. It might make you relax a bit to realize that fear is actually creative. What?! Think about it. What’s more creative than writing elaborate stories all day?
To give you an example of how fear fantasies can spiral out of control, let’s take a quick tour down one of my irrational fear rabbit holes: An impending doctor appointment. All I could think of was how my disease had progressed and that I’d like to invite you all to my funeral. What kind of food should be served? Should there be a DJ? No, that’s not serious enough. Who should get my good jewelry? My mom and my sister. Will Brian remember to feed Lola and Tara? And Brian is so lonely. I love Brian, and I miss him. Maybe he should start dating again. But not someone younger than me. OH MY GOD, Brian is dating a hot 20-year-old! I hate Brian.
When I’m able to grab myself out of those loops, I usually have a good ole laugh, acknowledge the underlying anxiety, and head to Target for some trash mags or watch a great movie (while holding Brian’s hand). However, if I’m unable to see my fantasy for what it really is (stress), then the next time Brian asks where the almond butter is, I’ll tell him to ask his new lover!
The key, of course, is to flip fear on its head by choosing a more positive story. Think you’re not experienced/good/young/smart/fit/well/whatever enough? Think again. You’re all that and more, dear one.
Are fear fantasies holding you back from sharing your big ideas with the world?
We often tell ourselves that we have to have it all figured out before we begin, and that if we don’t, we’ll fail. But being prepared doesn’t stop the unexpected from happening, and mistakes are inevitable in business! That’s why you need simple, reliable tools for navigating the tough stuff and protecting yourself from burnout while you’re at it.
My free ebook, How to Build Your Business without Burning Out: 10 Keys for Avoiding the Mistakes Most Entrepreneurs Make, includes 10 proven systems and strategies for overcoming the mistakes most entrepreneurs make so you can start or grow the profitable business of your dreams. Ready to vanquish your fears, together?
I love your posts, and really appreciate your message Kris. Fear… it feels all-consuming at time. Paralyzing and crushing, it’s way too easy to lose sight of our personal value. I love this reminder to embrace my fear, and use it as a way to move forward. I’m writing down the affirmation, “Even though I’m really scared, I love and accept myself anyway.” Thanks Kris!
This post on Facebook came at exactly the right time for me. I’ve been walking through fear and anxiety about not feeling good and allowing my imagination to conjure up the worst case scenario about every ache and pain in my body and my doctor can’t find anything wrong with me. Thank you for putting yourself out there and being real and providing compassion and understanding to others like me. Much love!
My sister was diagnosed with ALK lung cancer and it was the most devastating news we are dealing with.I believe in miracles and pray everyday that we can contain the growth of the cancer and one day rid it from her body.
My sister was recently diagnosed with alk lung cancer and we were devastated. I believe that she will beat this cancer and that they will continue finding new drugs and pull this cancer out of her body. I pray everyday for a miracle because she is my world.
I can’t thank you enough for this post.
Sometimes I am afraid to put my trust in my Higher Power to change circumstances and people.
I had a moment about a year ago when I thought I would lose everything I cared about.
The terror caused me to admit my disease and to seek help.
My Higher Power brought the right people in my life to help me heal.
I would never have made a change if it weren’t for the terror I felt.
I am so thankful for people like you and the truth you share.
I am journaling this morning and I had read what you had written on your blog a few weeks ago about fear and wanted to copy down your thoughts in my journal so that I can refer to them another time. I am grateful as it is my grateful journal for your words. I too am living with cancer over 8 years and the ebs and flows can for sue be an issue for me. Thank you again for everything, the juicing, the blending and all the love! Vicky
Thank you Kris this is just what I needed today as I wait for results of my CAT scan of my stage 4 lung cancer. My MRI of my brain is Monday and the last one showed the lesions have resolved. I have been blessed to be on a target oral Chemo that only fights cancer cells and not healthy cells. I cannot tell you what you have done for me in this fight. My sister gave me your Sexy Crazy Cancer books and how much they have helped me. At times I do have fear, sadness and grief and have to let it “process” to get thru, thank you for this blog it is spot on.
Between my therapy, juicing, change in diet, my faith and reiki therapies I am doing the best I can. My silver lining is I am much healthier all the way around than I have been in years. Hey I do miss my glass of wine but I respect my liver way more and thus the beet and green juices in a fancy glass!
Keep up the good work, you are an amazing inspiration to this 60 year old woman who is looking at this cancer as a chronic disease that will not get me down for a very long time! Xoxo
Absolutely love this it took me many years to phathom it out & what a great read this is SPOT ON Xx
Hi Kris
Brilliant, having been diagnosed with what the doctors call cancer ( I call it confused cells,) 2 years ago, dealing with my emotions has been the most challenging thing. The terror that came up after the diagnosis, wow, it was full on.
I realised I had to go toward my emotions and ask them what they needed – to be heard – is often the answer.
I still want to push against my fear and anger sometimes, but I realise that my emotions are always trying to help me. By the way, I’m doing well on the physical level, I made huge diet and lifestyle changes very similar to the changes you made and I am so much happier than I have ever been.
all my love to you
caroline xxx
Thank you Kris, this blog was just what I needed to read today. There are some big changes ahead for me in the coming months and I am going to have to seriously step out of my comfort zone to accomplish what I am embarking on. It’s all very exciting and there is much to get my head around and I must admit I am fearful too – your words have given me courage to ‘face the fear’ , learn its lessons and trust that all will be well. Thank you!
Thanks so much, Kris! I’m working through a 2nd recurrence of ovarian cancer, and I usually like to say, “Fear is a liar”–but I know that sometimes I need to heed the fear; it can’t always be ignored. You’ve eloquently provided a roadmap for me. ?
This is the advice I’ve been waiting to read for years. Thank you so much for your honesty, truth and wisdom. You are a true inspiration. X
I think you wrote this just for me 🙂
Speaks right to me! Thank you!
Hi Kris
Thanks for you beautiful article on fear. This is juicy material.
Fear came up for me in a big way 6 years ago when I lost my business, got divorced and had to sell my house. I needed a tool to help me. This is when I discovered EFT. I learned to welcome my fear, give it a voice. It is really a younger part of me that needs to be heard and loved. Now when I feel fear, I connect to my younger self and say “oh honey, I understand you are afraid, I am here for you. Tell me how you feel” I spend time listening to her and loving her. Turning toward my fear with love and compassion has changed my life.
Perfect timing Kris Carr, I have an appointment to check a breast lump today. Fear is trying to overtake me, I have 3 angels in heaven who look out for me very well. I have turned to prayer, to them (mom/dad/brother), to God & a novena prayer to the Infant Jesus of Prague, for matters of urgent need. I have been following you for years, you are an inspiration to say the least. I’m feeling more confident than I thought I would in this case, I’m praying I’m rewarded with good news. Thank you for sharing your knowledge & journey, I know it has helped countless people.
This made my day. My work environment is difficult and exhausting for me, which I always think shouldn’t be the case and fills me with fear. It’s been so long since I’ve told myself “I love myself and accept myself anyway.” Thanks for the reminder 🙂
Kris your timing is perfect! Just what I needed to give me perspective and steps to practice. My dad passed away 6 months ago and my mom’s health is not well. We have been slowly cleaning out their home and avoiding the decisions we need to make about her care. Sitting with the anxiety and fear what came up for me is extreme sadness and loss of my parents. I don’t want my mom to suffer (she has congestive heart failure and is short of breath) and I want to have a proactive plan in place instead of being emotionally reactive. What I find most challenging is to be present and calm and coming from love. Time to go sweat off the stress and take 1 step. Thank you for your work it makes a difference in my life.
Hi kriss, I Love your 7 steps, but I have no high heels, lol, Jeremy
Kris… You are so hilarious. I love the way you can always make something terrible look cool and easy. The part of the Almond Butter and your hubby, OMG I was so identified. Sadly I sometimes create this fake stories in my mind as a product of my fears and vent it out on mine too, just as your examples. Now that I know how fear works thanks to you and many other self help people out there who devote their existence to help other people out I can control, in a healthy way, my temper tantrums and respond with more love and compassion. Blessings to you always and many years of this incredible Crazy Sexy Wellness Extravaganza you have created and that it only helps us all. Yesterday I was speaking with a co-worker regarding my weight loss and my health improvement and he asked me… You are following someone or reading a book, right? And I looked to t he right where I store my GO TO BOOKS and there were all yours and I smiled and said Yes, I’m following someone. That someone is YOU. Thanks for being such an inspiration.