Hiya Gorgeous,
Truth has been a big theme for me lately, and it seems to be sending me messages everywhere I look. Repeatedly pulling the “Tell the Truth” card from my deck, an unexpected email about truth-telling from my pal, Gabby—even Netflix suggested a flick for me to watch! “Dishonesty: The truth about life. Why we do it, when we do it and how society suffers from whoppers and little white lies alike.”
Okay, message received!
So, I meditated on why sharing our truth is so important and here’s what came up….
We all want to fit in, be loved and get invited to the party (even when we don’t want to go). We’re communal, pack creatures and we thrive when we feel connected.
At the same time, we crave authenticity and messy realness. We want to honor our uniqueness—to be truly seen and heard—and we look up to people who are brave enough to stand out and use their voices.
Yet when these two desires are in conflict (fitting in vs standing out), we often err on the side of fitting in. So, we start to hide and only share parts of ourselves—acceptable, tidy parts that don’t make waves. Going against the grain, and possibly being rejected, is just too painful.
We may even find ourselves telling little white lies to keep the peace. Teeny-weenie fibbers that don’t ruffle feathers. In fact, these teeny-weenies are so small that we can’t imagine any harm being done. I mean, it’s not like we committed a crime or something.
But, what if it sorta is? Now, I’m not talking about a major felony here—it’s more of an offense against ourselves because all of those teeny-weenies add up.
We say we’re happy when we’re not. We pretend to like something when we don’t. We settle instead of shining. We don’t stick up for ourselves, or others, or animals, or the planet because we’re afraid of the consequences of rocking the boat and so on.
Over time, our little white lies pull us further away from our true selves and our true power. Plus, stuffing our feelings almost always leads to resentment. Yuck.
So, what’s the solution? Unapologetic truth-telling.
Lately, the universe is guiding me to double down on truth-telling. I’m realizing that time is going by quicker than I want it to, and I haven’t had a chance to say things to people I Iove or soak in sunrises I’ve missed.
Plus, our world is in a shit-ton of hurt and it’s making me ache, so now is not the time stay quiet or tell teenie-weenies. Spirit is calling me to be more of who I really am. Bold, full-blooded me. And, the same may hold true for bold, full-blooded you.
If you feel like the universe is dismantling your comfort zone, perhaps it’s a sign that areas of your life are out of alignment with your truth. And, it may not only be dishonesty with others. Maybe the Universe is asking you to stop telling yourself teenie-weenies—“I’m not good enough” and other such bogus nonsense.
I know that’s true for me. In fact, the Universe is being kinda annoying and relentless. If I’m too shy or scared to share my truth, the universe is sharing it for me.
Relationships that don’t serve my soul-growth are drifting apart, business opps that don’t excite me anymore are less lucrative, personal issues I’ve been avoiding are flaring up like spiritual roids. It’s ouchy but liberating—like a reckoning and a resurrection.
Here’s a harmless example: I recently shared something on Instagram that one of my followers called a bunch of things, including “unacceptable”.
“To who?” I thought. Just because I stepped out of the box she put me in, doesn’t mean it’s unacceptable. It’s not that my actions should have been different, it’s that she and I have different views—and that’s OK. If we differ in opinion, I’m up for a constructive conversation. If she can’t tolerate that my opinion is different from hers, that’s not my problem. I refuse to contort myself to please people. It’s a sure fire way to lose myself. Plus, I don’t plan on staying in a designated lane for anyone—and neither should you.
Truth-telling is how we show up for ourselves and become more of who we really are. Proudly tell your truth. Do it with grace and compassion. Be mindful and gentle if you need to be. Remember, you can be a truth-teller without being an asshole.
If your genuine truth causes pain to others, you can say you’re sorry—just not for your truth. You’re sorry because you understand that your truth has consequences, but it’s still valid and it still needs to be heard.
Be willing to be vulnerable. Be willing to make the first move and even look foolish. Your truth requires you to be naked, but that doesn’t mean you’re unsafe. Again, your truth is your power.
Your truth is also courageous. Our culture typically portrays courage as a monumental act of human bravery. But, more often than not, it’s so subtle you can barely identify it. Everyday courage to tell your truth means you make the effort rather than taking the easy way out.
So, the next time you want to shrink and tell a teeny-weenie, try this instead:
1. Ask yourself why you don’t want to be truthful.
2. What’s the emotion that’s driving you to be untruthful (fear, sadness, loneliness, etc.)?
3. Spend time with this emotion. See it for what it really is.
4. Bless it, thank it, let it go.
5. Then, tell your truth.
Each time you catch yourself about to tell a teeny-weenie—stop, drop and kindly share your truth instead.
This is exactly what I needed. I’ve been struggling in several aspects of my life lately (the way I described it to a friend recently was that it felt like the ground was constantly shifting underneath my feet). I have not been entirely truthful lately, and I think it’s mostly due to a fear of hurting others and/or being seen in a negative light. However, I know that all those little white lies are what has been causing me to feel so scattered and unfocused. Thank you for this motivation to tell the truth and to tell MY truth.
Hello Kris, I have been reading and following your journey and tips and all for a wee while, and I admire your courage and drive. I have been on the truth drive for a time myself, only I have been giving it the name impeccable , I had to look it up to get the full meaning of impeccable. I first heard it from a very wise woman on TV sadly she is no longer with us.
Yes being truthful makes me look inside to see what emotion is driving me at that moment and then choosing my truth all of which is helping me bring back the real me and no more trying to save the world and regain my power. Thank you
You will love the book, The Four Agreements.
Thank you, dear Kris. I loved reading this note (I always love hearing from you) and found it comforting. For me it’s not the fibbing but the not speaking when there is need for talk. Not expressing what’s alive in me can be the same as fibbing, I think. Can be. I noticed that I am afraid of the word “truth” because it has been my experience that people often confuse “their perspective” (which is valid) with “the absolute truth.” Long story, too long for here. And at the same time, there are things that to me do feel like the absolute truth. Very tricky.
Such a good point to add.
Interesting message at appropriate time, and coincidently right after reading a slightly unusual input from Deepak Chopra about beliefs. Thanks
Thank you for sharing your insights around this topic. It is a huge one for me since this year.
Telling the truth when we are not ok with it and are actually ahamed of it, is I think one of the hardest things you can do.
The fear of then being seen “less” than before…different in a negative way. The fear of being a disappointment in the other persons eye, the fear that you will look like you don’t have your life together, that you aren’t that “cool” or popular or attractive than “they” thought. The fear of shame that will over flow you when you tell the truth.
The fear of not being liked or wanted anymore for who you actually are.
That’s fucking scary!
But I believe telling your truth is so liberating. And you can accept yourself and own your truth way more than by hiding it and keeping it locked.
Yes by hiding we are lying to others…but do we really want to lie to ourselve? It’s like forgiveness, we need to do it for us, for our happiness and our peace in the first place.
thank you Kris. You had signs everywhere. This one is a sign for me.
Caroline
Thank you Caroline, what you share is as powerful as what Kris writes. This is what I feel and you put words to it. It makes me feel stronger and I’ll read this again to remind me I’m not alone. Peace and blessings
Awesome message reinforcing what I’ve been striving to do this year…very timely!
Loved this and very timely. I needed it. Thanks Kris
You are a GIFT. Thank you for your presence in our lives. Thank you for making some delicious, crazy sexy lemonade from the lemons you received. Thank you for leading by example. Thank you for your honest humanity, in all its glorious imperfections. I am a better person, a stronger person, a braver person, because of you shining your little light aka Crazy Sexy Cancer movie, and books, which light MY way as I stumbled through my own journey (still stumbling occasionally, life is a glorious path!). Kris Carr, ya done good. Still doing good. The light in me recognizes, honors, waves a crazy sexy hi to the light in you, that light you help remind us that burns in us all.
Ya done good too, Sheryl! Thank you for your generous comment and love. Right back at ya. xo
Sooo good. I faced my fear and told a truth this weekend to a family member and it did not go down well. But I needed to say the words and she needed to hear them. What followed was uncomfortable, but then it was liberating and then it progressed to a more open dialogue (after many tears). In the long run I know this will have been a positive and healthy move for us oh. I always feel better for telling my truths, I feel more like me. But as you said, often the ‘fear of rocking the boat’ prevents me from doing it. I will come back to read this whenever I have that emotion again. Thank you!!!
Good work, Laura.
This is what the whole world needs now more than ever!!! I have always said the truth will set you free.
Kris I adore you and your message ?. Thanks so much for all you share with the world. Your words bring healing to the All.
I love the line: “I refuse to contort myself to please people.” What a great affirmation!
Thank you, Kris. I needed to see this. I am a few months out of cancer treatment and the truths I pushed down in order to focus on purely surviving hell for the past 16 months have now bubbled to the surface. I’ve had to have some difficult conversations with friends who have disappointed me big time during my journey. I had to honor my authentic self in order to heal and move forward. But in doing this, I have lost someone who I thought was a dear friend. I told her that I needed her to be present for me during my lowest point in life. She couldn’t face me or my truth so she ended our friendship, a friendship that really did mean a lot to me. So what do I do now? I don’t regret living with authenticity, especially since I’ve been fighting so hard to be here. Being really real is a must, but what do you do when your truth hurts someone you love?
-Robyn
Dear Robyn
My husband has recently had a similar battle. Like you, many friends have disappointed us (well, me really, he doesn’t seem that bothered!) I have let “friends” go, and it’s painful, but they are the ones who let you down when you need them most, and, frankly, I am astonished, hurt and bewildered by their disappearance/silence/inactivity.
When we got married, a long-time friend of mine acted in a very bitchy way. Long story short, she didn’t get involved with my preparations for the wedding. I have no mom, or sisters to help me and this friend disappeared. On the actual day of the wedding, she came up to me and said, “I’ve missed you!” It was like a slap in the face with reality. When I needed her, she wasn’t there for me. What makes me laugh is how these people are affronted when you tell your truth to them. Let ’em go, that’s what I say. They need to find their own truths.
Thank you, Kris! I really appreciate your response. It means a lot to me, especially what you said….how these people are affronted when you tell your truth to them. That boggles my mind, especially with this “friend.” But I guess the real truth is that if my authenticity hurt HER so much, then she was never really my true friend to begin with. I mean, I just freaking survived the cancer nightmare at 37 years old. If I can do that, then I can do anything, including let her go. Thank you. xo.
-Robyn
Perfect topic in perfect timing! I’ve recently been receiving reminders of telling the truth more often than ever and that has made me think of this subject a lot. So your post gave me a very important answer – we should tell the truth to stay ourselves and staying ourselves will always, always make us feel better. Thank you!
Wow, Kris…this is EXACTLY what I needed this morning after a hard, yet soul bearing talk I had last night. Reminding me that even though the air is cleared somewhat, the core issues are still very present and some tough, soul honoring decisions lie ahead. Thank you for the reminder to be honest with myself and that I do have the courage to speak the truth with love and compassion even if it leads to some scary roads with gnarly trees…
What’s the truth about Buddy? We all fell so deeply in love with him as we watched his journey into health after you found him. And then we were inspired by his buggy to keep up with Lola. It’s been heartbreaking to become so invested in his well being….and then nothing. We went from #gobuddygo to #wheresbuddy.
Hi Kathy, I so appreciate how much you care about Buddy and I know your comment comes from a good place. I’ll be publishing an update next week. For now I need to put up a strong boundary around this conversation. This comment thread is not the place for it. Thank you. – Kris
Beautifully well said, Kris!
Holy moly. I completely agree that now is a time we are all being nudged to step into our power. Only when we show up as our true selves will the universes be able to shower us with magic. The opportunities keep presenting themselves from ignoring uncomfortable calls, to saying no to the guy at the paint store who recommends something that doesn’t work for you, to having that difficult conversation with a loved one that has been diagnosed with dementia. The universe continues to provide these messy moments, in the hopes that we will move through the smallness we’ve been hiding in and realize what a contribution we can actually be in the world. When we say no in the world, we say no to ourselves and what’s possible.
Well said! Thanks
Thank you, Thank you, just what I needed:)
“Be impeccable with your word”, one of “The Four Agreements” is more important now than ever. Truth telling is a life lesson, one that we learn at a very young age … And one that is being continuously challenged. Thank you for bringing it to the forefront.
My favorite book of all time.
Wow this is the most powerful and helpful piece I’ve read anywhere for a very long time. Thank you Kris. I too have felt the deep need for telling the truth, a need I had buried for decades but, like you said, the universe has a way of bringing it out so I figure it must be necessary for this part of my journey in the universe. Your piece helps me to figure out how to go about it, respecting myself and without being an asshole. Bless you. I hope you will write more on the pain of being with fear (social rejection, economic consequences) and how to cope with that. Peace.